buBbLeS iN mY heAd

CLOSED

2010-02-23T01:39:00.001+11:00

I have moved to a new blog and no longer use this account.

Head on over to http://luxuriousemotionsickness.blogspot.com

helpless

2009-07-23T21:54:00.002+10:00

why don't you just take a knife and slash my heart to pieces, then it'd be easier for you to see........

Ya Allah, please give me guidance and patience to get me through this......ameen...

survivor

2009-07-22T22:42:00.002+10:00

I HATE TRAVELLING!!!!

ok, with the exception of first class seats or the destination promises a romantic holiday or a really really really fun holiday with friends (with no regrets post-holiday)

fine! the point of me venting here is that I have to travel to stupid freaking FRANKSTON every single freaking day!!!! takes me an hour to get there and what's more, I have to travel to freaking ROSEBUD which is almost 2 hours away!!!! oh yea, it's out of my own pocket too!!! wtfffff!!!!!

i hate med!!!!
i think when we graduate as med students, we deserve a freaking big platinum medal with a rebate of all the years of suffering this forsaken course!!!

ok, I'm very freaking emo now......

my heart burns

2009-07-21T17:02:00.002+10:00

When you say nothing's gonna harm me, not while you're around.....you forgot about yourself.

When you say I was you priority, you forgot about yourself.

You also forgot about yourself when you say you love me more than anything in the world.

I didn't know it was possible to wake up one day and not know the ones closest to you anymore.

Who do I blame? Do I blame you or do I blame them? What difference does it make as my heart burns anyway....

Is this the beginning of the end or is this the end to the beginning? I want to llok forward to the future but should I?
This confusion burns my heart.....as we were supposed to have our wonderful future together but now it is as bleak as can be....

Despite the aches and pain, my hopes and dreas hasn't changed a bit.....

random

2009-05-22T14:19:00.002+10:00

it's sooo hard saying this when everything is going in the wrong direction!!!

but,

i love my life!!!!~
lalalalalala~

i have no idea what brought that on.... tee hee....

drama drama drama....

2009-05-18T16:54:00.002+10:00

my legs feel like they're bout to fall off!!!!!
but the mixed tourney was sooo much fun!!
of course, it wasn't spared by the much inevitable dramas!!

in reference to my previous post....
i was thinking......

yea, melbourne is THE GOSSIP TOWN (as nicknamed by shaq)
but the honest truth is, everyone enjoys hearing gossips..,,
i mean, who doesn't??
we've spent money just to read gossips and those are about people that we don't even know!!
what more about people who we actually see day in and day out!
i think the issue that gets to us is really,
the seriousness of the gossips, the impact it has on people, the responsibility that comes with just knowing the gossip......
especially when it comes to the deep personal issues of others....
that is why, i've learnt to keep the serious issues i have to those especially close to me
and of course, those i have entrusted my trust upon....
best to be safe than sorry rite??

but sometimes i wonder,
does being too guarded leaves so little room for my personality and my real self to shine??

all that goss

2009-05-15T17:39:00.002+10:00

i think melbourne is like a huge giant high skool....
the most high skool thing about it is the GOSSIPSSSSSS
oh my god!!!!
is there anything that can be kept a secret in melbourne???
the grapevines travel deep and far....and they're very loud too...

i thought that period of my life was over...apparently NOT!!
i know you're all thinking it too....hehehe....

for u

2009-05-11T21:37:00.004+10:00

i'm shocked and saddened....
i guess u've kept it in for a long time...
for all it's worth, there's a deep hole here where u were...
and it'll never be filled...ever!

who's going to say "Ha! Random lagi!!!"
who's going to be on my side kutuking fifi????
who's going to lead us 'pasukan penyokong'???
god....there's too many for me to reminisce...
and it wouldn't be fair to u and the great memories with my humble writing...
just wanted u to know,
a big part of us here, and me, is u...

i wish we coulda had our lasts... you know, last coffee, last swim, last 'herbal' session....
but i understand and i wish u all the good things in life...
i know we'll create new memories but the old ones will never fade...

e-hugs are not enough but for now, it's all i can afford...
bye....

mind boggling!!!!

2009-04-24T15:56:00.003+10:00

i think it's amazing how people you've known your whole life still have the ability to shock you to your core!!!!
shouldn't you know them well enough to have certain expectations of them. Not saying everyone you know should be predictable but to actually go off tangent, beyond my 'i guess shallow' thinking mind is just too.....unexpected.

i guess circumstances change and they change too....i still am...i think :P hmm, i wonder if i have the capacity to shock people their mind boggles....if not, then wouldn't i be boring? that i don't want to be...but that doesn't make me wanna go and do something outrageous soo beyond me.... it's like i'm having an identity crisis but kinda know my real identity but not knowing who i wanna be...

i think i just confused myself.... hahaha.....

nways, the sun is shining and i just wanna be out and about! :)

peachy

2009-04-16T22:18:00.002+10:00

i'm craving fresh peaches....

it's amazing how much people change in such a short time span...
it's like something just clicks in their heads and sets the changes in motion...
before you realize it the changes are complete and you're like,

hold on a minute...what just happened??

and then you start to justify and reason out the changes....trying to track back
the starting point...

why the hell do we do this??? or is just me?

back to schooooolll....

2008-02-03T13:57:00.000+11:00

damn it!

bye lazy days...
i'll miss u soooo much....

motivation should be firing up now....
but has it?

focus aliaa focus!!!

Resolutions

2008-01-25T14:19:00.000+11:00

1. Go to my gym more
2. Stop drinking
3. Work harder and smarter
4. Be nicer to everyone
5. Be more organized
6. Be more tidy
7. Be less moody
8. Be more oblivious (better than knowing things rite?)
9. Be more proactive
10. Love even more!
11. And hate even less!~
12. Be more driven
13. Be less emotional
14. Be more financially smart
15. Be more responsible

Now, if I can reach even half of that by next year, I'd be tremendously happy!!! :)

2007-10-28T15:19:00.000+11:00

last night i love you....
today i adore you....

strength

2007-10-27T19:06:00.000+10:00

this year's been so emotional in case people didn't notice....
so heavily filled with al sorts of emotions, positive and negative...

thank u to everyone for making this year sooo memorable and significant...
happiness and sadness comes together and that what made it so essentially meaningful to me

thank u to the people who gave me the strength to endure this year...
don't think i need to name names...
u guys gave me tremendous strength to me...

thank u to the people who gave me the opportunity for me to develop my personal sense
so many opportunities...
learnt lots about myself and made me recognize things that i didn't even know had any relation of any sorts to me...

loved this year not because it was a happy year, but just emotionally significant....

i'm so sorry to the people i have hurt or offended...
guess it just made us closer....

" i know now that we were still at the beginning of us...
the hardships we've endured were just beginning to resolve...
but i know nothing is resolved just yet...
we're still learning...
we're still beginning to appreciate the love and friendship we've built...
still beginning to explore the glitches that we've had...
but above all, i'm just thankful that we're so willing...
the critical moments just made us appreciate the time that we had and have more....
i love u..."

i'm doin just fine

2007-09-18T11:15:00.000+10:00

i'm fine now....

guess we need major drama in our lives to set things straight....

it hurts when we think about it...
how can we forget something so important in our lives?
it's just so ironic...

i'm forgiving and forgetting...
not to mention apologizing...

hard work is necessary to keep something goin strong....
whoever said love is just not enough, knows what they're talking about....

watever it is, i'm doin fine now...

2007-09-12T18:19:00.001+10:00

i'm falling apart.....

god, please give me strength to overcome this....

aura

2007-09-12T00:51:00.000+10:00

i love you....
but my heart aches right now....
and ur not here to hold me in ur arms....
where did we go wrong?

pretentious b****

2007-09-11T18:58:00.000+10:00

I am guilty of being a pretentious b****!

I am soooooo f*ckin tired!!! I'm tired of being pretentiously happy all the time!!
I'm tired of being pretentiously content all the time!!!
and I'm freaking tired of being pretentiously polite all the time!!!

You.....of all people....
You should know that I'm tired...
You should know that I'm trying my best....
You should know that I'm desperately wanting you....
You should know that I'm not a freaking social butterfly 24/7!!!!!

It calms me down to be in social isolation......

All you other people......why is it soooo god damn hard for you to see through my eyes that I'm sad.....

My salvage has been taken away from me......

Or are you being pretentious too??
It scares me to think that way....I feel like I'm going to vomit now......

Go away all of you with your pathetic neverending problems....
I'm handling all of my pathetic problems by myself so why can't you???

It makes me feel good to imagine myself throwing a porelain doll to the wall and shattering it to pieces....

I'm guilty of being a pretentious b****!!!

maybe i'm emo, so?

2007-06-09T22:49:00.000+10:00

is being emotional a bad thing????
i mean, we are creatures with feelings...so what makes it bad??
are we only supposed to have good feelings and swallow the bad feelings and just flush it dowwn the toilet??
is there anyone in this world that actually does that??
the way i see it, when u do that, it's pretty much a road to self-destruction....
u swallow it but of course, it'll never completely go away...yea, it's physically possible to do that.
like u keep smiling and laughing whenever anyone cracks any jokes...even when the jokes itself actually does emphasize ur bad bad bad feelingsss....and then when ur actuaaly alone, doesn't the feelings pour out eventually?
god....no matter how much times i try to do that, it ends up being pretty desructive to whatever it is my problem is in the first place...i'm not referring to jealousy or envy or u know, keeping grudges....just the frustration adn the disappointment does eventually get their way into your head, and translate it into anger!!! god!!!! i'm so completely fcked.....i've known people who said that they just ignore it when it comes....but in time.....i see it....i see it in their eyes or their actions...and u know what they say, actions do speak louder than words....
so that means, it's better to just say it out in the first place than acting it out later....rite??
is there a crash course for people who lack emotional stuntedness coz maybe I'M EMO.....SO?????

motivation decapitation

2007-06-06T20:55:00.000+10:00

when people shoot down other people, is it motivating???
yea, all you wanna do is take that person's head and flush it down the toilet with all those other craps that go into the toilet but is it motivating???
i guess u would wanna prove them wrong but is it a good kind of motivation???
what is good motivation???
is there a bad motivation???

fuck...
wateva works i guess...

but rudeness is soooo intolerable in this world!!!!
why are people still soooo rude??!!!

something's are never solved...

2007-01-08T15:47:00.000+11:00

is is acceptable to only consider one's behaviour acceptable based on one single interpretation of one set of values that is kononnye widely accepted by the whole world???
hmm...not very highly justified considering we are complex beings....

but it does serves well as an EXCUSE to condemn the actions of others that we view unacceptable based on our personal values... yes??
of course, this is without considering the little "insignificant" details that led to the action at hand.....

i mean, heeeellllooo!!! is it possible to understand without knowing a single fact on the matter itself??? someone please tell me this is

acceptable

.........

twinkles~

2006-10-17T18:16:00.000+10:00

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel of the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
Only to love you

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
You do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel I'm alive
When everything else is a fake
Without a doubt you're by my side Heaven has been way too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh love

I have come to understand the way it is
Its not a secret anymore
Cos we've been through that before
From tonight I know that you're the only one
I've been confused and in the dark
Now I understand

I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
I wonder why it is I won't let my guard down
For anyone but you You do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel of the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands

fever fever fever

2006-06-30T10:02:00.000+10:00

it's that time of the year again...yup...i'm having every fever imaginable to any lay person. world cup fever, TICK! so far i've only missed maybe 4,5 games. considering the games are from 10pm to 5am australian time, imagine wat my sleep sleep time is like...my biological clock definitely infected wif fever as well. it's gone bonkers k... day or nite i don't really know the difference anymore...whenever there's not football on and there's nothin else to do that's the time i sleep... same goes to my holiday-housemates (masta reza, dolarono rem)...

hmm, ziggy fever, TICK!!! ziggy, my self-anounced adopted baby, is stayin wif ME for awhile since daddy han is havin fun in sydney. oohh...no numbers or symbols or wateva can describe the temperature of my ziggy fever. he just gets cuter and cuter and cuter and COMELER by the hour!!! *GERAM* i totally forgot how much i miss havin pets around....they're just the best,oh, except when they do their business merata-rata but ziggy hasn't done that so it's all good....and hopefully not EVER! and also everyone is just infected wif ziggy fever...i'm beginning to suspect that they all come to my house just to see ziggy..hhmm....and fahmi is just head over heels in love wif ziggy...he even asked me if i wanted a cat of our own...SHOCK OF A LIFETIME! (fawah, remember how he membangkang evry time i bring up the topic of pets..) but otherwise, aawww....

red alert fever, TICK!! among all the other fevers in the world, red alert??? i blame it all on fahmi....i can't believe i'm hooked on that stuf...but it does feel good destroying the enemies, who here disagree??? hehehe...

fever, TICK!!(real traditional fever) body feels warm, nose just can't stop the mucus (sory for the grossness), coughing attacks, body aching everywhere, head feels like it's about to fall off...i think it's a pretty good decription of how BAD BAD BAD an ol' traditional fever can be...the only one i'm not enjoyin at all... and i think i'm infecting my fever germs to all in close proximity...sorry la people...not my fault you guys want to be around me even though i'm a mucus factory rite now...hehehe... ;P

in conclusion, fevers are always bad for you...especially in lethal combination...

.:insane in the membrane:.

2006-05-12T10:31:00.000+10:00

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember Is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

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i'm definitely hormonally imbalanced.
i think i'm mentally imbalanced(possible?).
i know i'm emotionally imbalanced.
i'm socially imbalanced(according to some meddies...)
i'm physiologically imbalanced for sure!
that makes me a severely imbalanced being kan?
DAMN IT!!

big pimpin'!!

2006-04-03T09:55:00.000+10:00

pimping n ho'ish??

everyone was just sooooo comeeelll last friday at adi's!!!was so fun to see evryone dressin up n havin fun....some people were up to playin their part as well eh??
(not sayin whoooo.....;P) best thing was,everyone was there!!thanx adi,hardesh n shinday (i swear i dunno how to spell la..) for throwin such a great housewarming...

definitely will try gettin some pictures to post up (if i can remember whose camera it was that i was simply snatching from....teehee..)but thanx to people wif the cameras (han,i definitely remember u were one of 'em...tq) had to say, i was quite 'uninhibited' dat nite....thanx to some people (again,not sayin whoooo...)been a looong time since i went to a great house party and last friday was awesome people....just the right dosage to get me outta a very stressful state at the moment... laff u guys!

now back to the 'not so pimpin stuf'....woke up at 7 AM, went out of the house at 8.15 ish AM....who woulda thought that i'd be stuck in a fcuking jam that was the whole reason that i was late for my class....a class that i find very very very very hard to wake up to....BAD KARMA!!!plus, all the lori panjang panjang were pissing me off wif their tayar besar, pushing me off MY LANE!!! ~sigh.....didn't know it was stressful to drive anywhere outta asia as well... :(

nways,exam's in a week...seriously need to do some studying...blergh...

my gigolo was superhot last friday!!!hehehehe....

sympathy anyone?

2006-03-25T18:19:00.000+11:00

only 4 weeks into the new semester and everything is just piling up!! so many classes, so many projects, so many groupworks, so many words of pointless essays!!! to top it off,the mucus in my airways is piling up too....(well,sorila for bein slightly gross but just imagine guys..)

the bubbles in my head are definitely on overload...the worst thing is that it's "unpopable"!!oh n yes aina, exam is in 3 weeks time(thanx alot...)

i guess it's my karma for havin such a good time since ive been back here to melbourne....the fun is just endless....the parties,the platform 1's (people we need to find another place k...),but best of all,the friends that are just endlessly amazingly fun!! guys,it's all ur fault that i'm sick k!!too much fun equals to me havin flu... but hey,it was worth it...

farah baby cakes, i wish u didn't haf to go sooo soon...i wish u didn't haf to go at all!!we all miss u back here...promise me we'll get together soon k? it just felt like the good ol' times we all used to haf...the bubuing,the crapping,the fun...aih.. memories does kill ur heart eh? but it brings it back to live even faster....

oh before u whiners complain about me not updating again, sympathize la wif me..new house, not inetrnet connexion, bad bad bad stuffy nose and headache...hehehe...do i get ur sympathy?

stressness!!~

2006-02-20T20:39:00.000+11:00

why oh why stressness do u continues to stickwitme??!!~
please please goooooo awayy!!

PS: i'm a bit tak betul today....excuse me...

F-WORD U STRESSNESS!!!

apologies blogging world...

2006-02-09T23:32:00.000+11:00

i'd imagine, if i was physically able to be in the blogging world, i'd be sent to 3 months of detention and of course,sent to counselling sessions.....
thankfully i'm not but i think my ill-disciplined behaviour in keeping up this blog does owe an apology... sorry...

anyways,i've been back in msia for more than two weeks now...ate lots n lots of yummylicious foods, also been fed very well by my family... :)) (double chin...urgh)
and has spent almost every day at mamak.....i think i should get enuff teh ais into my bodily fluids to retain it until my next trip back home...

haf met up if so many old frens and families...feels so good to meet up and catch up with old frens...sooo much haf changed...and it's not until now that i've realised i've actually changed too...i guess,not in the most obvious ways but i did change... and am proud of it...i'm so much stronger now than i used to be,i feel like i'm more comfortable with myself now and that,i think i trust myself more now....ahaha...is that good? :P but on a more serious note,i don't think u realize how much u changed or the impact of life until u actually talk about it, the past the present and the future...then u begin to reflect the things that u've just said and think again on what u haf said and done in the past....hhmm...

by the way, kudos to ayman and jerra for getting hitched this march!!!i wish u guys all the best and congratulations!!! oh, and the card IS LAWA!!!
(PS:i am still pissed off that i can't attend the wedding...)

oh yeah,another thing, I PASSED!!!!!! i'm goin to second year....thanx to all of u for the support and understanding...i wuv u guys!!
PS: fawah,i'd knew both of us wud make it thru somehow...

but most important of all,i get to be my mummy's daughter again!!! heheh...it feels good...i so miss this feeling.and yeah,spending everyday wif my brat snotty
sister....i've missed all this sooo much.
PS: anies,we r sooo gonna do some damage to u-know-who nex week... :)

tears that pours down

2006-01-09T16:44:00.000+11:00

it's at times like this one RITE NOW that i'm sooo desperately needy....
and it's times like these that i curse at everything that runs through this bubble of mine...
and it's times like these that u just wanna scream till my lungs outta air....
and it's times like these that i loath everyone with smiles plastered on their face
and it's times like these i just hate this miserable life of mine.....

but then, just the thought of u...
and my eyes wells up with more tears...
and my mind just fills up with more bursting bubbles...
and it's then,
i smile....
coz the tears are contentment....
and my mind just bursts with bubbles of joy....
i close my eyes...
i'm in your arms...
and everything makes sense....

resolutions anyone?

2006-01-02T09:34:00.000+11:00

2005 haf passed...a year of many tragedies and not forgetting the little sweet memories...made new friends, missing old friendships. lots of tears shed, even more laughter uttered...all in all, it's not too much to say that it's been a year of ups and downs....a year of test, for me at least. will i bring the lessons learnt into 2006? i sure hope so...

it's been said that the sense of smell is most closely related to our memory capacity. hhmm, lots of smells for 2006 then huh?
PS: one which i actually don't want to experience anymore than in 2005....kan fawah? ;P

well, i'm so pathetically lame that it took me the whole new year's day to figure out my resolutions. and it hit me that, i'm thankful for every piece of my life put together all this while. be it all the sadness, anger and joy that it has been made of....perfection for me is the flaws that come with it....i don't want to achieve superhuman powers of material riches, emotional streangth or wateva wonderwoman has been portrayed with...i'd like to comtinue my PERFECT life BUT with my own drudgery to be able to become better at handling this life of mine...

what does it actually mean to be better? is there an estimate or measurement that one has to obey in order to be better? does the desire to be better ever end with being the best?

for what it's worth, i don't think we can put the subjectivity of being human to test. how can we measure if the person next to us is better than the person sitting next to the person? all we ca do is acknowledge the qualities that one possesses and judge for ourselves th appropriateness of appraisals. my dad wants to become a better dad, and in turn wants me to become a better daughter....who here experience familiarity? and that was one of the virtues that my dad and i haf been trying to prove this entire year...did it end well? of course not.....he's best at being him and i am best at being me....the furthest we can go is just refine our abilities to love each other in a more apparent manner....are we succeeding? i really can't answer that....

so what are new years resolutions then? is it a measurement of being better for the next year? coz face it, nobody wants to become worst off even if it was only for tomoro...if it is a measurement, how specific can we get in order to estimate our human qualities? do we judge someone who doesn't have any resolutions a failure of wanting to be better? (now wasn't that stereotypical??)

so, my new year resolutions? the same as everyone else's...be better... :)

2005-12-24T20:36:00.000+11:00

teeheee~

2005-12-24T20:32:00.000+11:00

the surfers...

2005-12-24T20:29:00.000+11:00

me n ninie, under the shade... and we were still sunburnt...~sigh

2005-12-24T20:27:00.000+11:00

having lunch... one of the times that my bodyboard becomes extremely useful..

2005-12-24T20:25:00.000+11:00

jealous tak korang??? hehehe

2005-12-24T20:20:00.000+11:00

surfers paradise...

2005-12-24T20:10:00.000+11:00

Three of us partying our night away @ Drink

gold coast pictures....

2005-12-24T20:01:00.000+11:00

Me n Fahmi Dobby

gold coast was AWESOME!!!

2005-12-24T19:42:00.000+11:00

yes, yes...i know...
i'm such a BIG TIME SLACKER! haven't been updating this poor poor blog...
(sorry fawahh.. :P)

but anyways, gold coast was SOOOO BEST GILE!!! it just gets better and better every year....
that means.... next year's trip is gonna be even better!
(adi, u better be keeping your promises....)

first nite sampai, we all terus went clubbing coz it was a saturday nite...better not waste it kan?
it was soo fun coz it's been like ages ago since i last went clubbing....but i think the best thing about it was that i haven't been out and about with ninie for sooo long...
(it was good kan gurl? PLUS, the club really wanted us there, they played house and, for u, ghetto queen....RnB!)

since we were only there for 4 days, we had to make the most outta evry-surfing-day possible... we were at the beach all day looonngg for 2 days...fahmi didn't even come up from the beach at all (which explains his...tan... ;P)

and one of the days, we went to wet'n'wild, t'was good fun.... and urm, sorry fahmi n keri...yes, ninie n i know we embarrassed u with all our screaming....

at the end of the trip, everyone just couldn't help feeling sad....sigh~ missing gold coast very much....

~goodbye~farewell~

2005-12-10T10:11:00.000+11:00

i'm off to gold coast people!!!

don't miss me too much k? ;)

desperation

2005-12-01T16:17:00.000+11:00

it's a beautiful day.....
the sun shining, the sky so blue, not a cloud seen...
it screams out happy daaayyy!!

then why oh why...
why do i sit here in the dark...
why is sarah mclachlan's fallen blaring on my comp...
why am i not smiling...
why the hell is my heart screaming with despair...

am i always the paradoxical entity?
am i always the odd one out....

i desperately hope not..

overboard...overthrown...

2005-11-22T00:37:00.000+11:00

how does one know when u've gone overboard?? especially when u're with someone whom u're very very very close to.....
as usual, feelings, life and the unwritten law that comes wif it makes it difficult to judge, until u've seen the signs and symptoms of the consequences that u have led to happen...

life is shitty!!!!!

i blog to complain about the injustices (as i view it) that has happened to ME and i'm doing just that....

how hard does it have to be to take everything around us lightly? how hard does it have to be to take things that happen positively? how hard does it have to be to be insensitive sometimes?
in other words, how hard does it have to be to just NOT BE SO BLOODY ****ING SENSITIVE about some things?? not everything, just SOME...

i can't deny that i myself have been guilty of these things but i don't think i'm too hard to deal with when it comes to sensitivity...am i??? hhmm....
how am i supposed to deal with this life that has my name written all over it? coz, i don't think i haf the innate ability to handle all these confrontations....i guess just the ability to **** up once in awhile....big time....that i'm on the verge of being overthrown....

miracle, where are u?

who woulda thought...

2005-11-18T23:50:00.000+11:00

did u know that stress causes INDIGESTION!!!!

hah.....now who woulda thought that??well at least i didn't....til now that is...

anyhow, who woulda thought that this summer could end up soooo bloody twisted???

the cherry factory (where i'm supposed to be makin tons n tons of money) is soooo annoyingly unreliable...availabilities availabilities availabilities....blergh!

and....who woulda thought that there was such thing as cherry politics??? it is just as bloody manipulative as any politics. and among all people that's involved, how could it be me?!! ME among all the cherry people. gosh, i hate politics. and who woulda thought i would get sucked into one that should never even exist in the 1st place...

on another note, who woulda thought that south east flats (urm, that's my clayton home for those who are unfamiliar with the term...) could end up with sooo many people. ok, i'm exaggerating, but hey, 5 boys and 2 girls is a whole lot for this humble, unbelievably boring place. it's really fun actually...adds more life to the place. and i mean, the good life (u know what i mean kan fawah? ~winks)

by the way, who woulda thought that at 21 your head can get soooo jammed up with financial crisis??? i thought it would be later in life that i'll be stressing myself wif all these worldly material craps but i am so dead wrong. so many things to do, so little time, so little resources... soooo many plans, none that's working up til now....i'm in dire need of a miracle. for god's sake, i'm living on rollies now! yuck..

well, to end this very crappy entry.....who woulda thought that i would actually vent on these annoying bubbles of mine here when i know it really doesn't help at all.....not even a bit....

this delicate heart that dwells within me~

2005-11-10T20:34:00.000+11:00

do feelings really spark from this heart of ours? it's really funny that this thought has been stuck in my head since yesterday. it's funnier that it was sparked by a sarcastic remark of an acquaintance of mine (in a very randomly incited conversation). i mean, not that i haven't thought of it before but this time around it's different.....

"what is love? how do u science people define that??"

hhmm...considering that i've been into sciences my whole schooling existence, it is fair to say that i am one of those science people. love, sadness, bliss, heartbroken.... it's a common connotation, "feelings and the heart". but really, in the "science world" the heart just functions to pump blood throughout our whole body, maintaning our other bodily functions. now how in the world can pumping blood be related with the state of being happy or sad?

i once read an article on the correlation of feelings and the heart. there is none.....our feelings are the result of our perceptive sensory inputs, which means that it comes from our thoughts and views of the surroundings that we see and touch and smell....our feelings also has an association with our past experiences....so, in that way, it wouldn't be wrong to say that we can TEACH feelings, rite? being a baby, growing up, it wouldn't be such an impossible and ridiculous thing as teaching the baby how to feel and respond to all the bodily experiences that he or she may haf during its course of growing up.

hhmm....if only it was that simple.....

our own feelings are also dependable on the feelings of others around us. and THAT would be out of our control, wouldn't it? humans, whew....such dependable creatures....we depend so much on others to tell our feelings, to confirm our feelings, to seek a justification for our feelings.... are our feelings as REAL as it seems to be??

does the grey sky really meant to imply sadness and depression? does the soft white satin really meant to imply purity?? i've got to say, the people who made those connotations, bravo.... coz it has been the general stereotyped associations that everybode seemed to make....the hippies wore colourful rainbow-ish colours to say they are happy (high) people....the goths wear black dark colour to say that they are somewhat depressed with the world and way things have been made out to be....

ok now back to the question...how do we science people define LOVE? isn't that a toughie...

LOVE<-->HEART.....

i guess, it is fitrah manusia to want to love and be loved in return (don't we all??) before all that, the attractions that we do feel towards the other person, scientifically, it is called the chemistry between the two. it has to do with the fact that our body does produce a certain chemical, pheromones i think...(maybe..), that causes us to be attracted. BUT, i would say it's different with love....when people love, they want to give and give and give. they want the security, the trust, the life of togetherness.....
and that's why

LOVE<-->HEART....

the heart brings life to our body...when we love, don't we share our lives together with that special person? the coming together of two hearts pumping life through two persons bodies, while produsing pheromones.... that's really something huh?? well, i guess that's LOVE...in very very simple terms....

well then...how do u mend a broken heart?
that's another question altogether now.....

2005-11-09T02:29:00.000+11:00

xam's over....yay!!

med exams...~sigh~

2005-10-31T18:06:00.000+11:00

in 2 days i'll be sitting in a huge hall, surrounded by my fellow medfcuks, for my 1st year finals. i'm so bloody scared...but it's weird that i'm not as stressed like all the other times before. i mean i'm not exactly the tension-free kinda person where my thoughts are in order and that everything's organized...when it comes to exams, i am the one whose room is in a mess. i am the one that'll be smoking a whole lot. i am the one whose daily schedule turned haywire the nearer exams are. i am the one whose mind bubbles will not stop the blowing and the popping, even when trying to sleep. but rite now, at this very moment, i don't really feel like myself. because everything is not as i anticipated it. i am actually not so stressed out!!!wtf.....

i know i'm supposed to be glad that i'm not stressed out, but it's like i feel so distant from myself. is that possible? is this a normal phase which everyone goes through life? to feel disconnected with themselves, to doubt the feelings that they go through, to be stressed about not being stressed....now, to clarify, i'm not really filling up the time i haf just stressing about this. the point is, i feel like i'm not myself anymore....I WANT TO BE STRESSED!!!

actually, come to think of it, i was stressed. the thing is, it wasn't the exams that keeps my bubbles blown till i could feel like it was coming out from my ear... (eeuuww....grossness...) it was a problem which i never thought would bother me, or anyone else for that fact. but it did. all i can think off, was it created out of the need for depression? was it created out of the need for honesty in life? or was it just created for the need to feel needed? ~sigh... it was just the kind of problem that i would have never needed or wanted ever! but it came right at the moment as i am finishing off my first year med....

i guess i am actually not stressed because i was too stressed about something else...then it went away. and the stress that i feel now is just relatively on a lower scale than before.... wateva it is, i still want to be stressed ABOUT EXAMS!!!

pop...pop...pop.... ;P

2005-10-28T11:30:00.000+10:00

buBbLeS??

2005-10-28T10:47:00.000+10:00

I'd like to believe that my head is full of bubbles...millions,trillions and zillions of bubbles of various sizes.Floating around....bumping into each other. When it's too crowded,then it kinda makes your head hurts...coz then they become rowdy and just bump into each other more. Then there's those two guardians, one does all the blowing and the other just keeps on popping. In an idealistic world where everything is in equilibrium, the blows and the pops happen just the same. But i guess that just ain't happening in my head. Sometimes the blows become far too frequently that the pops just can't keep up. That's when my head gets pulled by gravity. And THAT hurts even more than all the rowdy bubbles pushing around each other (urgh!!!)

Bubbles.....weightless and fragile. The ones in my head are definitely fragile, put together, they're just one bloody exigent party....

newbie

2005-10-28T10:36:00.000+10:00

a bit old to be a newbie...but finally an owner of a blog...hehe...