med exams...~sigh~

in 2 days i'll be sitting in a huge hall, surrounded by my fellow medfcuks, for my 1st year finals. i'm so bloody scared...but it's weird that i'm not as stressed like all the other times before. i mean i'm not exactly the tension-free kinda person where my thoughts are in order and that everything's organized...when it comes to exams, i am the one whose room is in a mess. i am the one that'll be smoking a whole lot. i am the one whose daily schedule turned haywire the nearer exams are. i am the one whose mind bubbles will not stop the blowing and the popping, even when trying to sleep. but rite now, at this very moment, i don't really feel like myself. because everything is not as i anticipated it. i am actually not so stressed out!!!wtf.....

i know i'm supposed to be glad that i'm not stressed out, but it's like i feel so distant from myself. is that possible? is this a normal phase which everyone goes through life? to feel disconnected with themselves, to doubt the feelings that they go through, to be stressed about not being stressed....now, to clarify, i'm not really filling up the time i haf just stressing about this. the point is, i feel like i'm not myself anymore....I WANT TO BE STRESSED!!!

actually, come to think of it, i was stressed. the thing is, it wasn't the exams that keeps my bubbles blown till i could feel like it was coming out from my ear... (eeuuww....grossness...) it was a problem which i never thought would bother me, or anyone else for that fact. but it did. all i can think off, was it created out of the need for depression? was it created out of the need for honesty in life? or was it just created for the need to feel needed? ~sigh... it was just the kind of problem that i would have never needed or wanted ever! but it came right at the moment as i am finishing off my first year med....

i guess i am actually not stressed because i was too stressed about something else...then it went away. and the stress that i feel now is just relatively on a lower scale than before.... wateva it is, i still want to be stressed ABOUT EXAMS!!!