desperation

it's a beautiful day.....
the sun shining, the sky so blue, not a cloud seen...
it screams out happy daaayyy!!

then why oh why...
why do i sit here in the dark...
why is sarah mclachlan's fallen blaring on my comp...
why am i not smiling...
why the hell is my heart screaming with despair...

am i always the paradoxical entity?
am i always the odd one out....

i desperately hope not..