tears that pours down

it's at times like this one RITE NOW that i'm sooo desperately needy....
and it's times like these that i curse at everything that runs through this bubble of mine...
and it's times like these that u just wanna scream till my lungs outta air....
and it's times like these that i loath everyone with smiles plastered on their face
and it's times like these i just hate this miserable life of mine.....

but then, just the thought of u...
and my eyes wells up with more tears...
and my mind just fills up with more bursting bubbles...
and it's then,
i smile....
coz the tears are contentment....
and my mind just bursts with bubbles of joy....
i close my eyes...
i'm in your arms...
and everything makes sense....

resolutions anyone?

2005 haf passed...a year of many tragedies and not forgetting the little sweet memories...made new friends, missing old friendships. lots of tears shed, even more laughter uttered...all in all, it's not too much to say that it's been a year of ups and downs....a year of test, for me at least. will i bring the lessons learnt into 2006? i sure hope so...

it's been said that the sense of smell is most closely related to our memory capacity. hhmm, lots of smells for 2006 then huh?
PS: one which i actually don't want to experience anymore than in 2005....kan fawah? ;P

well, i'm so pathetically lame that it took me the whole new year's day to figure out my resolutions. and it hit me that, i'm thankful for every piece of my life put together all this while. be it all the sadness, anger and joy that it has been made of....perfection for me is the flaws that come with it....i don't want to achieve superhuman powers of material riches, emotional streangth or wateva wonderwoman has been portrayed with...i'd like to comtinue my PERFECT life BUT with my own drudgery to be able to become better at handling this life of mine...

what does it actually mean to be better? is there an estimate or measurement that one has to obey in order to be better? does the desire to be better ever end with being the best?

for what it's worth, i don't think we can put the subjectivity of being human to test. how can we measure if the person next to us is better than the person sitting next to the person? all we ca do is acknowledge the qualities that one possesses and judge for ourselves th appropriateness of appraisals. my dad wants to become a better dad, and in turn wants me to become a better daughter....who here experience familiarity? and that was one of the virtues that my dad and i haf been trying to prove this entire year...did it end well? of course not.....he's best at being him and i am best at being me....the furthest we can go is just refine our abilities to love each other in a more apparent manner....are we succeeding? i really can't answer that....

so what are new years resolutions then? is it a measurement of being better for the next year? coz face it, nobody wants to become worst off even if it was only for tomoro...if it is a measurement, how specific can we get in order to estimate our human qualities? do we judge someone who doesn't have any resolutions a failure of wanting to be better? (now wasn't that stereotypical??)

so, my new year resolutions? the same as everyone else's...be better... :)